The problem with arguing

When the FBI is called into a high stakes negotiation situation there is one lead negotiator but a team of people them behind them. They will have up to five separate people listening in on any conversation between the lead negotiator and the counter part. 

One of the fundamental principles they put a premium on is, listening. That's what these four-five people are responsible for, Any time there is a conversation with the counter part, there are numerous people listen for any piece of information, tell, ideology, etc. that they can pick up and potentially use in the process. 

You see, when two people are talking, there are way more conversations going on than we realize. The one between the two arguers, and the 2-3 each of them are having in there own head. 

When you spend time formulating your own arguments and waiting to respond to what the other said, you are invariably missing out on some much information being divulged by the other person. 

The problem with arguing is that there is a severe lack of listening to the counterpart. The answers are there, we just have to listen for them. 

Here is a quick way to improve your listening... once the other person finishes speaking, repeat the last three words they said or the three most important works they just said.