The problem with arguing

When the FBI is called into a high stakes negotiation situation there is one lead negotiator but a team of people them behind them. They will have up to five separate people listening in on any conversation between the lead negotiator and the counter part. 

One of the fundamental principles they put a premium on is, listening. That's what these four-five people are responsible for, Any time there is a conversation with the counter part, there are numerous people listen for any piece of information, tell, ideology, etc. that they can pick up and potentially use in the process. 

You see, when two people are talking, there are way more conversations going on than we realize. The one between the two arguers, and the 2-3 each of them are having in there own head. 

When you spend time formulating your own arguments and waiting to respond to what the other said, you are invariably missing out on some much information being divulged by the other person. 

The problem with arguing is that there is a severe lack of listening to the counterpart. The answers are there, we just have to listen for them. 

Here is a quick way to improve your listening... once the other person finishes speaking, repeat the last three words they said or the three most important works they just said. 

When you don't like someone

 You probably don't know them well enough. 

Listen to a person's story, hardship, a triumph, your perspective is likely to shift. 

Here is an idea of how to get to know a group of people. 

1. Sit in circle.

2. Ask a question... here is link to some suggestions. 

3. Start with one person and move clockwise around the circle. Give everyone a chance to answer. Start with a new person for each question. 

4. MOST IMPORTANTLY...there are no comments, reactions, debates, laughs, after anyone's answers. Accept the answer, move on.  

6. Finish with the WRAP UP questions from the linked article above. 

Boundary Breaking Questions

A. SIT IN A CIRCLE

B. REMEMBER TO START WITH A NEW QUESTION FOR EACH PERSON

C. DO THE "WRAP-UP-QUESTIONS" AT THE END WHEN YOU FINISH DOING THE BOUNDARY BREAKING QUESTIONS.

D. QUESTIONS DO NOT HAVE TO BE ASKED IN THE FOLLOWING ORDER.

E. REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NO REACTION OR FOLLOW UP CONVERSATIONS TO ANYONE'S ANSWERS. MOVE ON-TO NEXT PERSON.

1. WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY?
2. WHAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT PEOPLE?
3. WHAT TV COMMERCIAL DID YOU DISLIKE THE MOST?
4. WHAT IS THE UGLIEST THING THAT YOU KNOW?
5. WHAT SONG BEST DESCRIBES YOU AS A PERSON?
6. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR OR WORRY?
7. WHAT DO YOU MOST LIKE TO DO ON A RAINY AFTERNOON?
8. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE TO YOUR PARENTS?
9. IF YOU COULD HAVE DINNER WITH ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LIVED, WHOM WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
10. WHAT IS THE WORST MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN?
11. WHAT ONE QUALITY DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND?
12. WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE TO EAT?
13. WHEN DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE?
14. WHAT IS YOUR VERY MOST FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE BEDTIME STORY AS A CHILD?
16. WHEN DO YOU FEEL MOST LONELY?
17. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FACING YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY?
18. WHAT IRRITATES YOU ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
19. OTHER THAN A RELATIVE, WHAT PERSON HAS BEEN A BIG INFLUENCE ON YOUR LIFE?
20. WHAT FUTURE INVENTION/DISCOVERY DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO?
21. WHAT ONE TALENT WOULD YOU LOVE TO HAVE?
22. IF YOU COULD BE A SONG, WHAT SONG WOULD YOU BE? 
23. WHAT IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED? 
24. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOU ARE VERY PROUD OF? 
25. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST WASTE THAT YOU KNOW? 

WRAP UP QUESTIONS:

FROM DOING THIS BOUNDARY BREAKING SESSION...........I LEARNED THAT.............I REALIZED THAT................I AM SURPRISED THAT.............I AM PLEASED THAT.........I HOPE OR I WIS THAT......

Random Notes

 The dream is free, hard work sold separately. 

Shrink the floor on defense, open the floor on offense 

There are two ways to do things, the right way and again. 

Cesar's Way

1. Calm/Confident, Love and Joy

2. Exercise, Discipline, Affection 

3. No touch, no talk, no eye contact

4. Nose, Eyes, Ears.

5. Rules, Boundaries, Limitations

6. Animal, Species, Breed

7. Formulas. Rituals, Symbols

Corner Rip Hitters

 https://coachingtoolbox.net/corner-rip-and-counters?utm_content=66dd0119edf5175a7e82ec5f4796aaaa&utm_campaign=210117&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email  

Clinic Notes

 

CLINIC NOTES

RELATIONSHIPS

 EACH PERSON IS GOING TO THINK THEY ARE DOING 70% OF THE WORK.

TAKE DELIGHT IN THE DELIGHTS OF OTHERS AS THEY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.  

COMMUNICATION

USE VISUALS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

ENVIRONMENT

WIN TO INFINITY.

o   WE CAN TRUST THE PROCESS BUT WE HAVE TO ATTACK THE DAY. PANIC OVER TODAY BUT DON'T PANIC ABOUT TODAY. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND. 

 PRACTICE ISN'T OVER UNTIL YOU HAVE TALKED TO EVERYONE WHO HAD A BAD DAY. NON-STOP COMMUNICATION IS PARAMOUNT. NEED TO TALK ALL THE TIME. 

 PLAYERS HAVE TO OWN THEIR OWN CONFIDENCE. IT CAN BE A TEAMMATE, A COACH OR AT WORST A PLAYER ON THE OTHER TEAM. YOU HAVE TO BUILD IN SOME MECHANISMS TO BREAK  

DON'T TAKE IT EASY ON PEOPLE WHO ARE LOSING AND NOT PUSHING BACK.

 

WE REMEMBER TWO THINGS:

THE PEAK

THE END

BASKETBALL

·       YOU NEED TO STRESS A LOT WITH KIDS THESE DAYS TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM. IT’S ABOUT US, IT’S ABOUT ME AND YOU. UBUNTU- DOC RIVERS CALLED IT. I CAN’T DO MY JOB, UNLESS YOU DO YOURS. KEVIN GARNETT WAS ASKED AFTER THAT GAME “HOW DID YOU DO THAT AND BLOCK SO MANY SHOTS” “BECAUSE OF MY TEAMMATES. THEY WERE WHERE THEY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND I WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.”

 

·       TEACH THEM TO PASS THE BALL.

 

·       YOU NEED TO STRESS TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM.

o   SOMETIMES IT’S ABOUT YOU, SOMETIMES IT’S ABOUT ME, BUT IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT US.

o   UBUNTU- DOC RIVERS CALLED IT. I CAN’T DO MY JOB, UNLESS YOU DO YOURS.

o   KEVIN GARNETT WAS ASKED AFTER THAT GAME “HOW DID YOU DO THAT AND BLOCK SO MANY SHOTS” “BECAUSE OF MY TEAMMATES. THEY WERE WHERE THEY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND I WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.”

 DEFEND WITHOUT FOULING - IT HAS TO BE TAUGHT, DRILLED, WATCHED ON FILM. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MACHO OUT OF IT AND PUT BRAIN POWER INTO IT. CAN YOU DEFEND TOUGH WITHOUT COMMITTING A FOUL. 

 MAKE THEM HATE QUITTING - HOW QUICKLY DOES YOUR TEAM QUIT? WHEN THEY ARE DONE 10, 20, 30, 40. YOU HAVE TO TEACH THE TEAM NOT TO QUIT, THEY HAVE TO HATE QUITTING. IT'S NOT ABOUT HATING TO LOSE, BUT HATING TO QUIT. CONSEQUENCES IN PRACTICE SHOULD BE MORE GEARED AROUND GUYS QUITTING RATHER THAN LOSING. IF THEY GAME IS TO 15 AND THEY LOSE 15-4 AFTER QUITTING VS LOSING BY ONLY A COUPLE OF POINTS BECAUSE THEY QUIT. PUNISHMENTS ARE BASED ON MARGINS OF LOSS.

TOUGHNESS IS KING - MEN ARE KIND OF BRUTE AND AGGRESSIVE AND HAVE TOUGHNESS AND GRITTINESS, AND THAT IS CRUCIAL TO SUCCESS.

 

o   "TOUGHNESS IS BEING ABLE TO PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY PERFORM YOUR TASK THROUGH ANY CONDITION." -"IF THINGS ARE GOING WELL IN HOME GAME, DO YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN THAT, OR DO YOU KEEP PLAYING THE RIGHT WAY?" -"IF THINGS ARE GOING POORLY AND THE OTHER TEAM IS ON A RUN, DO YOU SAY 'I HAVE A JOB TO DO AND I'M GOING TO DO IT, AND I DON'T CARE THAT EVERYONE IS GOING NUTS ABOUT A DRUNK BY THE OTHER TEAM' THAT IS TOUGHNESS. THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS STAY IN THE MOMENT AND DO YOUR JOB. 

 PASSING IS QUEEN - IF TOUGHNESS IS KING THEN PASSING IS QUEEN. PASSING TAKES A WILLINGNESS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE ELSE, IT SHOWS INTELLIGENCE, CRITICAL THINKING. THERE IS A SELFLESSNESS TO THE PASSING, THERE IS A STRONG AND SILENT CONFIDENCE TO PASSING THE BALL. A GAME OF CHESS REQUIRES THE DIVERSITY OF THE QUEEN. 

BLUFF 90% OF THE TIME, HELP 10% - DEFENSE IS ABOUT BLUFFING, ACTING LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITHOUT THE INTENTION OF EVERY DOING IT. HOW CAN YOU BLUFF YOUR WAY INTO A GOOD DEFENDER

 

ADVICE FOR FIRST-YEAR PLAYERS

1.              PLAY HARD

2.              NO PLAYS WITH THEIR STRONG HAND

3.              JUMP TO THE BALL

4.              REBOUND