The problem with arguing

When the FBI is called into a high stakes negotiation situation there is one lead negotiator but a team of people them behind them. They will have up to five separate people listening in on any conversation between the lead negotiator and the counter part. 

One of the fundamental principles they put a premium on is, listening. That's what these four-five people are responsible for, Any time there is a conversation with the counter part, there are numerous people listen for any piece of information, tell, ideology, etc. that they can pick up and potentially use in the process. 

You see, when two people are talking, there are way more conversations going on than we realize. The one between the two arguers, and the 2-3 each of them are having in there own head. 

When you spend time formulating your own arguments and waiting to respond to what the other said, you are invariably missing out on some much information being divulged by the other person. 

The problem with arguing is that there is a severe lack of listening to the counterpart. The answers are there, we just have to listen for them. 

Here is a quick way to improve your listening... once the other person finishes speaking, repeat the last three words they said or the three most important works they just said. 

When you don't like someone

 You probably don't know them well enough. 

Listen to a person's story, hardship, a triumph, your perspective is likely to shift. 

Here is an idea of how to get to know a group of people. 

1. Sit in circle.

2. Ask a question... here is link to some suggestions. 

3. Start with one person and move clockwise around the circle. Give everyone a chance to answer. Start with a new person for each question. 

4. MOST IMPORTANTLY...there are no comments, reactions, debates, laughs, after anyone's answers. Accept the answer, move on.  

6. Finish with the WRAP UP questions from the linked article above. 

Boundary Breaking Questions

A. SIT IN A CIRCLE

B. REMEMBER TO START WITH A NEW QUESTION FOR EACH PERSON

C. DO THE "WRAP-UP-QUESTIONS" AT THE END WHEN YOU FINISH DOING THE BOUNDARY BREAKING QUESTIONS.

D. QUESTIONS DO NOT HAVE TO BE ASKED IN THE FOLLOWING ORDER.

E. REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NO REACTION OR FOLLOW UP CONVERSATIONS TO ANYONE'S ANSWERS. MOVE ON-TO NEXT PERSON.

1. WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY?
2. WHAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ABOUT PEOPLE?
3. WHAT TV COMMERCIAL DID YOU DISLIKE THE MOST?
4. WHAT IS THE UGLIEST THING THAT YOU KNOW?
5. WHAT SONG BEST DESCRIBES YOU AS A PERSON?
6. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR OR WORRY?
7. WHAT DO YOU MOST LIKE TO DO ON A RAINY AFTERNOON?
8. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE TO YOUR PARENTS?
9. IF YOU COULD HAVE DINNER WITH ANYONE WHO HAS EVER LIVED, WHOM WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
10. WHAT IS THE WORST MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN?
11. WHAT ONE QUALITY DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A FRIEND?
12. WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE TO EAT?
13. WHEN DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE?
14. WHAT IS YOUR VERY MOST FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE BEDTIME STORY AS A CHILD?
16. WHEN DO YOU FEEL MOST LONELY?
17. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FACING YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY?
18. WHAT IRRITATES YOU ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
19. OTHER THAN A RELATIVE, WHAT PERSON HAS BEEN A BIG INFLUENCE ON YOUR LIFE?
20. WHAT FUTURE INVENTION/DISCOVERY DO YOU LOOK FORWARD TO?
21. WHAT ONE TALENT WOULD YOU LOVE TO HAVE?
22. IF YOU COULD BE A SONG, WHAT SONG WOULD YOU BE? 
23. WHAT IS THE BEST ADVICE YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED? 
24. WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOU ARE VERY PROUD OF? 
25. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST WASTE THAT YOU KNOW? 

WRAP UP QUESTIONS:

FROM DOING THIS BOUNDARY BREAKING SESSION...........I LEARNED THAT.............I REALIZED THAT................I AM SURPRISED THAT.............I AM PLEASED THAT.........I HOPE OR I WIS THAT......

Random Notes

 The dream is free, hard work sold separately. 

Shrink the floor on defense, open the floor on offense 

There are two ways to do things, the right way and again. 

Cesar's Way

1. Calm/Confident, Love and Joy

2. Exercise, Discipline, Affection 

3. No touch, no talk, no eye contact

4. Nose, Eyes, Ears.

5. Rules, Boundaries, Limitations

6. Animal, Species, Breed

7. Formulas. Rituals, Symbols

Corner Rip Hitters

 https://coachingtoolbox.net/corner-rip-and-counters?utm_content=66dd0119edf5175a7e82ec5f4796aaaa&utm_campaign=210117&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email  

Clinic Notes

 

CLINIC NOTES

RELATIONSHIPS

 EACH PERSON IS GOING TO THINK THEY ARE DOING 70% OF THE WORK.

TAKE DELIGHT IN THE DELIGHTS OF OTHERS AS THEY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.  

COMMUNICATION

USE VISUALS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

ENVIRONMENT

WIN TO INFINITY.

o   WE CAN TRUST THE PROCESS BUT WE HAVE TO ATTACK THE DAY. PANIC OVER TODAY BUT DON'T PANIC ABOUT TODAY. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND. 

 PRACTICE ISN'T OVER UNTIL YOU HAVE TALKED TO EVERYONE WHO HAD A BAD DAY. NON-STOP COMMUNICATION IS PARAMOUNT. NEED TO TALK ALL THE TIME. 

 PLAYERS HAVE TO OWN THEIR OWN CONFIDENCE. IT CAN BE A TEAMMATE, A COACH OR AT WORST A PLAYER ON THE OTHER TEAM. YOU HAVE TO BUILD IN SOME MECHANISMS TO BREAK  

DON'T TAKE IT EASY ON PEOPLE WHO ARE LOSING AND NOT PUSHING BACK.

 

WE REMEMBER TWO THINGS:

THE PEAK

THE END

BASKETBALL

·       YOU NEED TO STRESS A LOT WITH KIDS THESE DAYS TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM. IT’S ABOUT US, IT’S ABOUT ME AND YOU. UBUNTU- DOC RIVERS CALLED IT. I CAN’T DO MY JOB, UNLESS YOU DO YOURS. KEVIN GARNETT WAS ASKED AFTER THAT GAME “HOW DID YOU DO THAT AND BLOCK SO MANY SHOTS” “BECAUSE OF MY TEAMMATES. THEY WERE WHERE THEY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND I WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.”

 

·       TEACH THEM TO PASS THE BALL.

 

·       YOU NEED TO STRESS TO PLAY FOR THE TEAM.

o   SOMETIMES IT’S ABOUT YOU, SOMETIMES IT’S ABOUT ME, BUT IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT US.

o   UBUNTU- DOC RIVERS CALLED IT. I CAN’T DO MY JOB, UNLESS YOU DO YOURS.

o   KEVIN GARNETT WAS ASKED AFTER THAT GAME “HOW DID YOU DO THAT AND BLOCK SO MANY SHOTS” “BECAUSE OF MY TEAMMATES. THEY WERE WHERE THEY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AND I WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.”

 DEFEND WITHOUT FOULING - IT HAS TO BE TAUGHT, DRILLED, WATCHED ON FILM. YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE MACHO OUT OF IT AND PUT BRAIN POWER INTO IT. CAN YOU DEFEND TOUGH WITHOUT COMMITTING A FOUL. 

 MAKE THEM HATE QUITTING - HOW QUICKLY DOES YOUR TEAM QUIT? WHEN THEY ARE DONE 10, 20, 30, 40. YOU HAVE TO TEACH THE TEAM NOT TO QUIT, THEY HAVE TO HATE QUITTING. IT'S NOT ABOUT HATING TO LOSE, BUT HATING TO QUIT. CONSEQUENCES IN PRACTICE SHOULD BE MORE GEARED AROUND GUYS QUITTING RATHER THAN LOSING. IF THEY GAME IS TO 15 AND THEY LOSE 15-4 AFTER QUITTING VS LOSING BY ONLY A COUPLE OF POINTS BECAUSE THEY QUIT. PUNISHMENTS ARE BASED ON MARGINS OF LOSS.

TOUGHNESS IS KING - MEN ARE KIND OF BRUTE AND AGGRESSIVE AND HAVE TOUGHNESS AND GRITTINESS, AND THAT IS CRUCIAL TO SUCCESS.

 

o   "TOUGHNESS IS BEING ABLE TO PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY PERFORM YOUR TASK THROUGH ANY CONDITION." -"IF THINGS ARE GOING WELL IN HOME GAME, DO YOU GET CAUGHT UP IN THAT, OR DO YOU KEEP PLAYING THE RIGHT WAY?" -"IF THINGS ARE GOING POORLY AND THE OTHER TEAM IS ON A RUN, DO YOU SAY 'I HAVE A JOB TO DO AND I'M GOING TO DO IT, AND I DON'T CARE THAT EVERYONE IS GOING NUTS ABOUT A DRUNK BY THE OTHER TEAM' THAT IS TOUGHNESS. THE HARDEST THING TO DO IS STAY IN THE MOMENT AND DO YOUR JOB. 

 PASSING IS QUEEN - IF TOUGHNESS IS KING THEN PASSING IS QUEEN. PASSING TAKES A WILLINGNESS TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE ELSE, IT SHOWS INTELLIGENCE, CRITICAL THINKING. THERE IS A SELFLESSNESS TO THE PASSING, THERE IS A STRONG AND SILENT CONFIDENCE TO PASSING THE BALL. A GAME OF CHESS REQUIRES THE DIVERSITY OF THE QUEEN. 

BLUFF 90% OF THE TIME, HELP 10% - DEFENSE IS ABOUT BLUFFING, ACTING LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITHOUT THE INTENTION OF EVERY DOING IT. HOW CAN YOU BLUFF YOUR WAY INTO A GOOD DEFENDER

 

ADVICE FOR FIRST-YEAR PLAYERS

1.              PLAY HARD

2.              NO PLAYS WITH THEIR STRONG HAND

3.              JUMP TO THE BALL

4.              REBOUND

 

 

Visuals

There is so much power in creating something that sticks in the mind, a powerful image, a creative visual. Even just a paused screen of practice film while you talk to them can be a visual. Doesn’t need to be about the topic but it helps provide context.

Gives you something to look at, talk about. Disarming. Makes them comfortable. It’s a distraction. Find ways to communicate. People have stuff to say, let them talk. 

Listen, you'll always learn, even if you are learning about what not to say.   

Discovery is Superior to being Told

Motivation gets us started but discipline is what keeps us going. We have started to run our individual skill development sessions as more "player lead", our players will come in and it is a great chance for me to connect with each guy individually about school, life, and of course basketball. 

This has been how we have tried to create our environment, coach lead, player driven. We give them teams at the beginning of the week and they are preparing all week to play against the other practice team. Some natural things will start to come out of that. Group chats will form, relationships will develop, some will change for that week. Best friends and roommates will talk to each other a little less or more, depending on who is on which team. 

There is no point in talking about one thing, when everyone is thinking about something else. Address the elephant in the room and you will be further ahead as a group. So give your players a lot of opportunity to bring things up to you. So that when something is on their mind, they can ask it and feel like it is just another conversation. 

It can be easy for the coach to come in and tell players what to do and run all the structured drills but players know more what they need to work on. They know if they weren't comfortable going left and they can do it without pressure in this environment. 

If you want players to be ok making mistakes, you have to let them make mistakes without you watching them every two seconds. They know the pressure is going to be on, but you have to let them write unedited and without judgement. 

We know that the first stuff that we write is always going to be bad, some of it will be good, but a lot of it will be bad. But the key is that you push through the mistakes, just keep writing, without judgement, without worry, unedited. There will be time for that later. 

Give them things to work on, things that are specific to their position, things that are going to happen to them a lot in the game. 

Things take time. It doesn't happen in a week, month or even sometimes a year. 

But your players have to care about their performance, care about their confidence and they have to own both of those things. If they care about it, they will think about it more and try harder at it. 

Culture is not about what you have done historically (that is tradition), it is what the current group of people working together are doing together.

 

 

Bullet Points

• Read: everything we need to know has been written in a book. Read for inspiration  
• Exercise: 20 mins per day, 2.5 hours per week, 119 hours or 5 days a year.
• Eat well: eat food, not very much, mostly vegetables
• Plan: discipline is freedom. finishing your day before your start it, finish your week, month and year before you start it.
• Invest: in yourself. Your money 70-10-10-10 rule (philosophy of the rich is save your money, spend what's left. 
• Write it down: don't trust your memory. Evaluated experiences are the only experiences worth having.

"Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a void with great speed"

Becoming attractive

If you want to attract, then you have to become attractive. It's about improving your own self. It's the set of the sail, not the direction of the wind. 

Unstructured time

 Starting practice with "unstructured" time. Come in and it's not structure for the first 15 minutes. I would suggest basketball. Dynamic ranges, skill work, form work, footwork. Maybe unstructured theme "unstructured passing, go". Does it translate to the game "let's play unstructured right now. Read the defense, make a play, pass the ball" 

Tough conditioning usually reveals 5 types of athletes:

1. All of a suddent hurt at that time

2. Out of shape & struggling

3. In shape & concerned about yourself

4. In shape & encouraging others

5. In shapre & doing extra sprints w/others 

Strong back, soft front

Stand up for what you believe in. 

Be confident, resilient and tough. Strong back. 

Stay calm, be patient and considerate. Soft front. 

Break down

 

Attacking the switch

 https://coachingtoolbox.net/concepts-for-attacking-the-switch?utm_content=907170bcabf52ed298ce6d3b3f7cc7e0&utm_campaign=200926&utm_source=Robly.com&utm_medium=email

When can we talk about our systems? RE: Set's Blog

 

*Taken from Seth's Blog

Your team is down by a few points and the game is almost over. What play should you call?

[When can we talk about the system of drafting and training that got your team to this situation in the first place?]

Your back hurts and you think you need surgery to help with the pain.

[When can we talk about the technique you use when you go running every day?]

Your employee shows up late regularly. How can you get them to care more?

[When can we talk about your hiring and leadership approaches?]

There’s racial injustice and unfairness all around us.

[Can we talk about persistent indoctrination around caste?]

You just had an argument with your brother. What’s the best way for him to see that you’re right?

[When can we talk about the narratives your family has developed for generations?]

Universities and local schools are in crisis with testing in disarray and distant learning ineffective…

[When can we talk about what school is for?]

It’s comfortable to ignore the system, to assume it is as permanent as the water surrounding your goldfish. But the fact that we have these tactical problems is all the evidence we need to see that something is causing them, and that spending time on the underlying structure could make a difference.

In a crisis, there’s maximum attention. And in a crisis, we often discard any pretense of caring about systems and resilience and focus only on how to get back to normal. This is precisely why normal is what normal is, because we fight to get back to it.

Changing the system changes everything. And it might be even less work than pouring water on today’s tactical emergency.

Naval

 

Defend without fouling... Kings & Queens

1. Defend without fouling - it has to be taught, drilled, watched on film. You have to take the macho out of it and put brain power into it. Can you defend tough without committing a foul. 
2. Make them hate quitting - how quickly does your team quit? When they are done 10, 20, 30, 40. You have to teach the team not to quit, they have to hate quitting. It's not about hating to lose, but hating to quit. Consequences in practice should be more geared around guys quitting rather than losing. If they game is to 15 and they lose 15-4 after quitting vs losing by only a couple of points because they quit. Punishments are based on margins of loss. 
3. Toughness is King - men are kind of brute and aggressive and have toughness and grittiness, and that is crucial to success. "Toughness is being able to physically and emotionally perform your task through any condition." -"If things are going well in home game, do you get caught up in that, or do you keep playing the right way?" -"If things are going poorly and the other team is on a run, do you say 'I have a job to do and I'm going to do it, and i don't care that everyone is going nuts about a drunk by the other team' That is toughness. The hardest thing to do is stay in the moment and do your job.  
4. Passing is Queen - if toughness is king then passing is Queen. Passing takes a willingness to do what is best for everyone else, it shows intelligence, critical thinking. There is a selflessness to the passing, there is a strong and silent confidence to passing the ball. A game of chess requires the diversity of the Queen. 
5. Bluff 90% of the time, Help 10% - defense is about bluffing, acting like you are going to do something without the intention of every doing it. How can you bluff your way into a good defender. 
6. Jump to the ball - jump to the ball
7. No plays with strong hand - don't let them make plays going to their strong hand at 8 feet. make them go to their weakness. 
8. Rebound - Rebound first, then run  

 

Seth's Blog - Toward a Zoom agreement

 Taken from: https://seths.blog/2020/08/toward-a-zoom-agreement/

"If you promise not to check your email while we’re talking, we promise to not waste your time.

If you agree to look me in the eye and try to absorb the gist of what I’m saying, I agree to be crisp, cogent and on point.

If you are clear about which meetings are a waste of time for you to attend, we can be sure to have them without you.

If you can egg me on and bring enthusiasm to the interaction, I can lean into the work and reflect back even more energy than you’re contributing.

The purpose of a meeting is not to fill the allocated slot on the Google calendar invite. The purpose is to communicate an idea and the emotions that go with it, and to find out what’s missing via engaged conversation.

If we can’t do that, let’s not meet.

Multi-tasking isn’t productive, respectful or healthy."