7 Ways to Be Tough as a Coach

1. Take Responsibility for Your “Teammates”

After a game—whether it’s in a press conference, at the bar with our staff, or at home with our spouse—how often do we place blame on our players for their lack of talent, leadership, or toughness?

A tough coach starts by accepting responsibility after a game. Coach Dave Odom taught me this at the University of South Carolina after we lost to Pitt in a close game. He didn’t yell, scream, or blame the lack of execution on the players; instead, he admitted that he had failed to prepare us to execute down the stretch.

2. Take and Give Criticism the Right Way

Most coaches wouldn’t allow or encourage their players to yell and scream at each other for making mistakes. But many of us do it as coaches! We do it because we know it is sometimes effective in the short term to “motivate” them to do what we want them to do.

When it comes to “motivation” and “teaching”, many of us will use anger, sarcasm, shame, or whatever other tools we can. “It’s not personal,” we say. And when players don’t take the criticism well, we call them “uncoachable”.

A tough coach understands they are coaching a human, not just an athlete. They are demanding and they tell the truth, but they do so in a way that respects the person. They want to build intrinsically motivated players who don’t rely on external “carrots and sticks” to stay motivated.

A tough coach also allows their assistant coaches and their players opportunities to criticize their coaching and give them feedback. They are more concerned with what’s right than who’s right. They set the example of taking and giving criticism the right way.

3. Show Strength in Your Body Language

I’ve put players through countless film sessions wherein we put their body language under a microscope.

“What’s this telling your teammates?!” I’d ask.

Granted, it was horrible body language. But after nearly a decade of coaching, I was challenged to put my own body language under a microscope, and I asked myself, “What’s this telling my players?

The truth was not pretty.

Just turn on the television today and watch the coaches. You don’t need to hear them to know what they are telling their players.

Research from Dr. Albert Mehrabian of UCLA has shown that the majority of our personal communication is through body language 55%, with only 7% through the words we use and 38% through the tone we use to say those words. This has become known as the “7-38-55 Rule”.

Tough coaches are intentional when communicating with their players through their body language. When players look to the bench, they see a coach who believes in them, is present in the moment, and emotionally in control.

3. Concentrate and Encourage Your Teammates to Do the Same

We as coaches can dwell on things that are not within our control. A big one is what other people do. We can’t control the referees, parents, administrators, or even our players! And yet, the things others do are so often at the center of our thoughts.

Tough coaches are hyper-concentrated on the things that are within their control. They can block out or quickly move past the uncontrollables. They encourage their players to concentrate by quickly learning from their experiences and moving on to the next step.

4. Take Responsibility for Your Actions

We all make mistakes as coaches. I don’t know of many coaches who would claim to be perfect! But how often do we take responsibility for our actions?

In The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle, SEAL Team Six leader Dave Cooper shares that he believes the four most important words a leaders can say are, “I screwed that up.”

Tough coaches are not afraid to walk into the room and say, “I screwed that up.” And then they work their tail off to make sure the same mistake doesn’t happen again. They know it not only sets a powerful example of personal responsibility, but the team will gain greater respect for their willingness to take responsibility for their mistakes.

5. Move on to the Next Play

How many times does a referee make a bad call, and five minutes later, we are still arguing with them or complaining to our staff? I’ve seen coaches regularly use the majority of their time in a team huddle rehashing the mistakes that each player made. Sure, I’ve been one of those coaches!

Tough coaches don’t dwell on mistakes or bad calls; they help the team learn, adapt, and move on quickly.

6. Be Hard to Play Against and Easy to Play With

It doesn’t really matter what we were trying to do or say; it matters what others feel and hear. Good intentions don’t make great leaders. We like to defend our actions by saying, “That’s not what I meant,” or “I never meant for them to feel that way.” But that doesn’t invalidate what others heard, or how they felt.

Tough coaches understand that everything they say or do impacts others around them, and so they are intentional and thoughtful in what they say and do. They create a challenging and competitive culture that everyone enjoys being a part of.

7. Get Better Every Day

Too often, we get so caught up in preparing to win the next game that we lose sight of the bigger picture. Patriots Coach Bill Belichick expressed this best in an interview the season after winning his sixth Super Bowl:

Interviewer: With all that you have accomplished in your career, what are some of the things left that you still want to accomplish?

Belichick: I’d like to go out and have a good practice today. That would be at the top of the list right now.

Interviewer: What’s after that?

Belichick: We’ll correct it and get ready for tomorrow.

Tough coaches measure success in growth, not outcomes. Before every practice and game, they set 100% controllable success criteria for their team and for themselves. Then, just like Belichick, they review those success criteria, then move on to the next day.

Redefine Toughness

Early in my coaching career, I respected the coaches who were “tough on their players”.  As long as the players got on their players, it didn’t matter much to me how it was achieved.

With the help of my own failings and some great mentors, I came to realize being a tough coach is more about my own choices, and the personal example I set for my team. I am a naturally emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I can’t ever use that as excuse for my actions.

We can be true to ourselves while being in control of our emotions and intentional in our leadership. It’s the process that my friend and Vice President of Equilibria In Sports, Lynn Kachmarik, describes as “moving from our personality to our character”. Moving from our personality to our character is tough. It’s hard to retrain our default response. But that’s toughness—intentionally responding, not reacting.

A lot of coaches talk about toughness. But few coaches coach with toughness.